Tips to a long and happy marriage from Helen Bassham

Helen is often asked about how they have managed to maintain a successful and happy marriage for nearly 45 years and also how they originally met. Here is a fun article from Helen Bassham answering both of those questions

I was one of only 5 female members of the Richland High School ROTC Sweethearts. The boys who were a part of the drill team were members of ROTC. These boys were heading toward a military future. Our school my junior year did not have a dance team so the closest 1 could get to a dance team was to drill with the boys but only one sweetheart had that honor. Not a bad after school activity for a teenage girl - 30 boys, 1 girl. In early February that year the drill team was asked to march in the Mardi Gras Parade in New Orleans.

Getting on the bus I was confident I knew everyone going on this trip. After all, I had been in school with most of these kids since 3rd grade. But there was a new member of the Corp that I hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting yet.

Lanny struck my attention because he took the initiative to meet me by sitting next to me on the bus. He didn’t wait for someone to introduce us even though he was much more reserved and quiet then I was. We found the conversation was easy and a friendship began. Little did I know he had been eyeing me from afar for months.

(Lanny and Helen in High School)

The Valentine’s dance was the next weekend and I didn’t have a date. Lanny already had one and he was too much of a gentleman to cancel plans with anyone and he knew I still had feelings for an old boyfriend. So he actually talked my ex into taking me to the dance. Who does that? If he was interested in me why would he have me date my ex knowing it could light a potential flame? It was calculated on his part. He figured one of two things would happen 1 - I would fall back in love with my ex or 2 - I would remember why we broke up and become even more intrigued by the one who set us up. He was banking on 2.

The night before the Valentine dance was my first date with Lanny - also calculated on his part I believe. I’d love to tell you that after that one date we lived happily ever after but life is not a fairy tale. I struggled with who I liked more Lanny or the old guy for 3 solid months (at 17 that is a lifetime). Lanny is very patient when it comes to something he wants.

The ex was gone and our relationship became more serious. However, no matter how much I liked him and how good of a person he was, my Mother would not approve. Lanny was an outsider. My Mother didn’t know his family. She didn’t know his history and she didn’t trust that at 17 I was able to make a choice in who I should date. (understandably so - I was indecisive before). She fought me for years and refused to accept that he was the right choice for me.

(Helen and Lanny in College)

After graduation Lanny was accepted on full scholarship to the University of Texas in Arlington (at the time it was called Arlington State College) and I attended Dallas Baptist College. Although we could see each other often it wasn’t the same and our relationship came to an end. He dumped me because he thought I had gone out with another guy, he was wrong but I was stubborn and he was stubborn. For over 2 months we didn’t speak or see each other at all. I tried dating other people and moving on and he did the same. Inside it was like a piece of me was missing but I was too proud to call him and my Mother always taught me “a lady never calls a boy”.

Out of the blue he called me, we got back together and almost 2 years later after got married at age 20. That break up helped us to realize what life would be like without each other. Mother accepted him long before our engagement, releasing control and allowing me to become a woman.

This year we will celebrate 45 years of marriage. I’m often asked, what is it that makes our marriage work? Well, it takes more than 4 things but I’ll give your my 4 top tips.

(Lanny and Helen with their twin boys Troy & Brian - 1972)

Be Best Friends - I trust my husband with everything. We are best friends. We have common interests and we spend a lot of time together. Because we are friends I value his strengths but I also understand his weaknesses. I know everything about him and I am an open book to him as well. Our main strength is that we talk everyday, not just about what is going on but about deeper issues. We pray together, we eat together, we work together. He completes me.

Learn How to Fight - We argue, we get angry, we yell sometimes and get our feelings hurt. But in 45 years I can honestly say I have never doubted his love for me. I have never wondered how he felt because when we argue we have a method, a system so to speak to resolve the issues.

1. We never call each other names - and try not to say things we can’t take back.
2. We never talk negatively about each other to others or vent about our frustrations to those who cannot give aid. (You won’t find me venting on Facebook)
3. We leave an argument when it is heated give each other have time apart to self evaluate and find solutions.
4. We come together after calming down to talk over the solutions and find resolve.
5. We learned to never go to bed angry.

(pictured Helen and Lanny with their daughter Heather - 1992)

Have a Sense of Humor - learn to love to laugh! Laugh at yourself, laugh with each other. Tell jokes, be fun with your kids, play silly games, be light hearted. Find the fun in each day. Smiles are contagious and laughter is the best medicine. This lesson took some years to learn but is a key to life.

Enjoy the Journey - After losing all of our parents and my only sibling before we turned 41, Lanny’s fight for Olympic Gold, owning 4 businesses (at once), raising 3 kids, moving 14 times, traveling to all 50 states and 11 countries, battling cancer twice, life has been a roller coaster full of highs and lows. The lows were deep and dark but going through those times together helped to build our relationship. As Lanny often says “adversity is an effective teacher”. The highs have been really high reminding us that life is worth living to the fullest! When one is down the other’s job is to be there to support them, encourage them and pray for them. Be a team and enjoy the journey even when it leads you to unexpected and scary places!

Lanny and Helen with the wonderful Tigger at Disney World in 2009

(To reach Helen email her at info@mentalmanagement.com)

The Challenge

The Challenge (taken from the last Chapter of the New 3rd Edition of With Winning in Mind )

I challenge you to take action. You live at a unique time in history. If you are a competitor I would bet that your competition while thinking that the mental game is critical to success is doing little to advance their mental game. What if you did? The fact that you are reading this book puts you ahead of the competition. How much ahead depends on the effort you put forth in applying it.

I challenge you to take action. Your competition is thinking the thoughts their environment gives them. This is typical. What if you were not typical? You have a choice to continue to allow your thoughts to be controlled by your environment or to control them yourself. Running a mental system means that you define the best things to think about before, during and after your stage of competition. What if you trained your subconscious to respond consistently to these thoughts so that they were embedded? What if you trusted yourself to only think this way in competition?

I challenge you to take action. Not everything is as it seems. There are times in our lives when our circumstances appear to us to be heading toward doom when in reality we are on the road to our dreams. We just don't realize it. I challenge you to look at problems and adversity as learning experiences, to see the potential lesson in every failure and to appreciate just how fortunate you are when you finish well. I challenge you to take successful outcomes as conformation that you are on the right track and unsuccessful ones as opportunities to learn.

Written by: Lanny Bassham (info@mentalmanagement.com)

Congrats to Kayla Wharton, Mrs. Texas America

"I heard of Mental Management working with pageant contestants, but never knew anything about the organization. I have competed in a few pageants previously placing 1st runner and 2nd runner up each time. I thought to myself, there is something missing. I picked up the phone and contacted Heather at Mental Management.

After that day of working with Heather, my life changed. Heather not only helped me in the pageant, but in life as well. Heather taught me to look at questions and life challenges differently. I was invited to do a mock interview with some amazing young ladies. Through that experience I learned so much about myself and what I needed to change in my interview.

After working with Heather three times, I competed for the title of Mrs. Dallas-Fort Worth and won. Next was the state competition for Mrs. Texas America.

I worked with Heather again to prepare for Mrs. Texas. After our last session, I knew I was ready for Mrs. Texas America. I kept calm throughout the entire competition and focused on what was important.

I not only am the winner of Mrs. Texas America 2012, but a winner in my life!

Thank you, Heather, for all your help!"

Kayla Wharton

Mrs. Texas America 2012

(Kayla trained with Mental Management Coach, Heather Sumlin in preparation for pageant competition. For information on training call 972-899-9640 or email heather@mentalmanagement.com)

Congrats to Kendall Morris, Miss Texas for her prelim Swimsuit WIN at Miss America!

Mental Management client, Miss Texas, Kendall Morris, was awarded the Lifestyle & Fitness Award at Miss America last night. Kendall received a $1,000 scholarship for this award. WAY TO GO KENDALL!!

This fitness award shows her dedicated to health and exercise. Her dream is to become your next Miss America promoting her platform of Leukemia: Living for a Cure. Her platform was formed after her father was diagnosed with Leukemia when Kendall was only 16. For more on Kendall go to www.misstexas.org.

Follow Miss Texas and the 52 wonderful state representatives as they via for the title of Miss America LIVE on ABC Saturday Jan. 14th. The entire Mental Management team will be tuning in to see if Kendall can bring the Miss America crown back to Texas. Go to MissAmerica.org to learn more about the Miss America Organization.

(it has been 36 years since Miss Texas has won Miss America - can this mentally tough, driven and passionate young lady bring home the crown? We will be watching to see)

Miss America is the largest source of scholarship assistance for young women in the country. The founders of Mental Management, Lanny & Helen Bassham are a fans of the Miss America System. Heather Sumlin (their daughter) and Helen Bassham were both contestants, directors and judges in this pageant system. Heather now serves as a mental coach and interview coach for women across the country competing in pageantry, teaching the Mental Management System Lanny used to win Olympic Gold to help young women control their minds under pressure during competition.

Best of luck to Kendall on Saturday night!!

Overcoming Doubt through Action - Lanny Bassham With Winning in Mind Story

Since January is all about goals and becoming we have decided to tell you how "With Winning in Mind" came to be, the struggles behind Lanny's hesitation to write and the knowledge he learned from his mentor who helped him along the pathway to his goal of being an author. Pictured above is Lanny around the time the first version of "With Winning in Mind" was written.

I wrote an essay for a class in high school and up to this point I thought I was an okay writer. For this particular project I spent extra time, put thought into the paper and was proud of what I presented. After receiving a "D" on the assignment I had worked so hard on, I asked the teacher "Why did I get such a low grade on this paper?" I don't remember the words she spoke exactly but what I heard her to say was "Lanny, you just can't write!" I allowed myself to believe that this statement was true about me. "I'm not a good writer" was my Self-Image and it stayed that way for years. That one comment lead me to believe I was not capable of success with a pen. I could talk, I could shoot but I couldn't write.

In college I dodged every writing course. I didn't want to fail so why try? I chose to major in Business because the writing workload was less than other majors I considered pursuing. In all honesty I really majored in Rifle Shooting but got a degree in Business if you know what I mean. I went to school to get out, not to learn the first time around. I didn't push myself to become a better writer. I didn't challenge myself. I accepted that I couldn't write and moved on with my life.

Advance many years to 1977 and the start of this company. Every student I would teach would ask me if I had a book they could purchase. Every time I turned around someone was wanting material they could take home....A BOOK. A Book? I couldn't even write an essay or an article much less a complete book! After a decade of dodging writing again I couldn't help myself and I told someone I was writing a book. I had a deadline, now I was stuck. I had no choice but to write!

Fortunately, I had a friend who was an editor who offered to teach me to write. He knew my fears of writing and that my Self-Image as an author was super poor. He began to meet with me weekly and help me write my book on his word processor. For those of you young folks this was more like a typewriter than a computer, no internal memory. I learned so much about myself through this process and after many months it was done. My last meeting with him was near and I was oozing with excitement! I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. He stood before me holding a floppy disc (do you remember when discs could flop? This dates me.) and he said "Lanny, this is the only copy of your book. It's right here in my hands. I'm going to do you a favor." He took the disc and threw it into the fire! True story. The only copy of my book that took months to write was burning in his fireplace. I thought he had to be kidding but he wasn't. He looked at me with complete confidence and said "Nobody's first book is ever any good, go write your book. But this time keep it short, no one wants to read more than 200 pages. And write about people you know. Write more like you talk and make it easy to read. This will help the reader better connect to your content and retain the information."

Frustrated and defeated I turned to leave. Taking his advice, I re-wrote the book and "With Winning in Mind" was born. The original version was published in 1988. I revised the book 1996 and revised it once again last year which is our new Hardcover edition.

So what did I learn through this process that may help you in the journey to obtaining your 2012 goals? I learned:

• You need good mentors to help you when pursuing new and exciting goals. Mentors provide more than just inspiration and motivation, in my case my mentor helped me to develop the skills necessary to succeed in writing my book. He helped me to believe it was doable. He gave me valuable information and guidance. But most importantly, he didn't just tell me what I wanted to hear and allow my first draft to be enough. He knew I was capable of more and pushed me to be my best.

• You need a timeline. I hadn't written a book sooner because I didn't have a date of when it had to be finished. It was just a wish. By having a deadline I forced myself to find solutions to completing the book in order to keep my word.

• Never allow someone's negative opinion of you to define you. I listened to that teacher and allowed her opinion of my writing ability to determine my belief in my ability to write keeping me from pursuing writing in college. I firmly believe that if I had challenged myself to take journalism classes in college I would have 20 books by now.

Writing "With Winning in Mind" is the best financial decision I have ever made in my life and it amazes me when I look back at how long it took me to believe being an author was even possible for me. Go for your goals this year. Find a mentor. Set a deadline. And don't let anyone's opinion matter more than yours!

Are You Mentally Tough?

This article by Lanny Bassham was printed in Clay Shooting USA in 2010, Lanny has been a featured writer for Clay Shooting USA for many years. The focus is for sporting clays shooters but the information may also be helpful to people in a wide variety of sports.

Are you mentally tough? Do you think of yourself as being mentally strong when shooting? To my way of thinking in order to say you are mentally tough in competition you should be able to do the following things. First you must be able to handle the variables in Sporting Clays and finally you must be able to handle the constants.

Let’s look at the variables. Many shooters have told me that Sporting Clays offers the most variables to the shooter among the shotgun sports. In Skeet the targets are well known in advance, all Skeet fields are the same and the only target variable is the wind. In Trap the targets always start from the same location and are all going away. You must master the variable of not knowing the angle of departure of course. But for the Sporting Clays shooter, the target possibilities are endless.

How are you doing at handling the target presentations? The target setters are doing everything they can to miss-lead, deceive and force you to do the wrong thing on a station. Some targets have a higher level of difficulty than others. The key is to keep your mental effort constant on all targets. Do not let the mental level drop on the so-called softer targets. They may look easy on the surface but this not a time to shortcut your preparation on them or reduce your focus. The elite of the game often remark, when having a below-par performance, that they hit the difficult presentations well but missed too many of the easier ones. It is equally important not to elevate the natural level of effort on the so-called hard targets as that will lead to over-trying and add to the lost target count. It is probable that you will see target combinations that you have never imagined much less trained on. If this happens break the presentation down into elements that you have had success hitting. This presentation may look different but recall in your memory any presentation that you know how to hit that is similar and start there. Keep your process of shooting the same on these kinds of targets. When faced with a target-variable - Stay Constant!

How are you doing at handling score variables? When you are shooting really well do you at some point begin to feel uncomfortable? Do you feel you are shooting over your head? Do you begin to feel the pull of the building score on you? A common tendency at this time is to become careful. The focus switches from hitting targets to trying not to miss them. Bad idea. You’ve hit these targets thousands of times before. Do not change a thing about the way you approach them. Do not let the environment alter your plan to break the targets. One suggestion from the mentally tough is to begin again. Just start over in your mind. This station is the start of your day. You have no past score. This may just reduce the pressure enough for you to post a personal best today.

Another variant on this issue occurs when you have a poor start and you try to make up for it by elevating the effort on the next pair out. Remember over-trying is a mental error. One of the best ways to beat over-trying in this situation is to take a deep breath or two and yawn and stretch a bit before you step into the station. Now trust that you will know what to do on the shot. Refrain from the temptation to give it something extra in the shot process. When faced with a score-variable - Stay Constant!

How are doing about handling the emotional variable? Do you shoot better when it is fun or when it is not fun? Does getting upset or angry after a pair or station help you or tend to hurt you? Are you able to control you emotions when the breaks fall against you. The wind blows the targets toward the station for everyone else and then changes to make it a harder shot for you? Is it possible for you to control your emotions or do you always let the environment control you. The mentally tough are able to define the emotion that gives them their best result and monitor it during the day. When the environment is pulling you away from this level of control you need to adjust your emotional level. I do not expect you to be happy about a poor performance. The key is to make the correction and move on to the next pair or station without any emotional distraction. About those breaks, shoot this game long enough and the breaks will even out. When faced with the emotional-variable – Stay Constant.

How are you doing at handling the people variable? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if shooters were positive all of the time on the course? Don’t get me wrong there are plenty of positive people in this game and it is important that you be among them. But, Sporting Clays is a slow sport with plenty of down time while you are waiting for the other members of your squad to shoot. Interaction with other people is probable and this can sometimes become problematic. It is vital that you stay constant in your feeling about your shooting. If others are quick to complain or beat themselves up after a poor station performance you do not want to be the sounding board for them. Here is my suggestion. When people are positive and encouraging move toward them. Engage the positive ones. When they are negative move away. Let the negative people find each other. You will be with the positive ones. You cannot always choose whom you will be shooting with but you can choose whom you engage. Shooters should be pro-active about staying positive throughout the day regardless of the situation. When faced with a people-variable – Stay Constant!

So, what are the constants? Constants are anything you can define as a primary way of executing. You have a primary way of holding, mounting and moving the gun on certain kinds of targets. Stay constant. You have a primary way of standing, looking for targets, establishing break and hold points. You have a shot routine that is comfortable and works best for you. Keep it the same. The mentally tough have a consistent way of thinking before, during and after a pair or single. This is defined and is synchronized with their shot routine. Your body changes when you change thought. Stay constant in your thinking. If you change what you are thinking about based on what the environment is giving you your mental game is a function of a variable. Therefore, your mental game is a variable and you cannot have mental consistency. When faced with a choice of having a constant or a variable – Choose a Constant!

Sporting Clays may generate the greatest variable demand on the shooter of all shotgun sports but you can stay ahead of the game by seeking to make constants out of variables when possible.

by Lanny Bassham - go to http://www.mentalmangement.com or email Lanny at info@mentalmanagement.com

Nannette Hill - LPGA Player attends training!

"Coming off of two elbow surgeries and two seasons on the LPGA and LPGA Futures tour, I realized something was missing. I would have weeks of playing great and other weeks were I couldn’t make a cut. Each week was an emotional roller coaster and I felt as though I had no control. I realized I needed more mental consistency and a plan on how to do this. Lanny has provided me with the structure and tools I needed to have a more consistent mental approach to the game. Thanks Lanny!"

Nannette Hill LPGA Tour Pro

Nannette attended a 2 day Mental Management course with Lanny Bassham in Flower Mound, Texas. Call 972-899-9640 for more information or check out http://www.mentalmanagement.com